It's finally here---I'm heading to fiji tomorrow morning :) I've been super excited about this trip but as usual there's other emotions popping into my head.
I should probably accept it now that I'm indian and no matter how much I refuse to get mixed into it, I'll always have to deal with drama and screwed up crap. I was naive to think that my trip to Fiji would be a simple trip where I can learn about my ancestors and gain an appreciation for my heritage...I guess as long as I learn about it in whichever manner, I'm happy :) I haven't even stepped into the country and there's drama about who's gonna pick me up, how they will pick me up, what I have to do in the aiport, etc etc etc. And I wish I could just arrange it myself; but if it makes people happy that they can do it for me then great...but people shouldn't go around and change someone else's plans...I guess I'm just frustrated that people keep changing the plans and if plans are gonna change then they should because I changed them. Despite all this "khichri" (name of an indian dish which is also used to indicate mixedupness), I am thankful that someone is picking me up & taking me to my aunt's house, fingers crossed!
Aside from the usual bumpy start to my adventures, I'm pretty happy and excited about my fiji adventure. I talked to my mom and dad today and I could tell they were excited for me :) They're proud that I am meeting their family over there :) and don't worry mom and dad, i'll leave a good impression on 'em!
I've been given tons and tons of advice from my parents, my cousin and his wife and even from random neighbours lol and I really do appreciate it. I know I'm heading into a country who's situation and lifestyle I can't really imagine--and I feel super mixed up right now. I'm excited about the trip for sure but i'm so nervous/scared...and then i'm trying to tell myself that i'll be fine and i have people over there that will take care of me and then i flip flop and say well i should be able to take care of myself and then i arrive at the conclusion that i'll be fine. which is a less enthusiastic conclusion than i would've liked but i'll take what i can get. which makes no sense since i'm the one controlling my thought patterns. ...anyone got any ideas as to what all this nonsense is due to? nervousness? why am i so nervous?...and here we go again in circles lol.
so. mixed. up.
yay for fiji :D
you're going to a new place! of course you're nervous! especially since the culture there is probably so different than what you're used to.
ReplyDeleteOR your newly independent self is at a conflict with your it's-ok-my-family-will-help self.
bah forget what I said, just enjoy the ride! lol
by the end of this trip, you will probably be used to facing the unknown.