since I started my little backpacking adventure with a bag of coffee crisp bites, i thought it'd be momentous to close my amazing journey with a bag of coffee crisp bites...especially since coffee crisp is non-existent in oz
I've probably told all of you why I came back home early but to summarize I realized I got everything I could ever hope for and want out of that chapter of my life and had to come back home to figure a few things out. I'm not going to lie, I miss Oz ALOT! I miss the freedom, the sunshine, darling harbour, george st, lol you name it i miss it. BUT I'm glad to be back.
The past month has been difficult for a few reasons--home life is one of them. Let's just say its not the optimal situation over here right now but i'm working on it to the best of my abilities. Jet lag hasn't been pretty either--it started off with me being awake only 7 hrs a day and being really groggy those 7 hrs. then it turned into me being awake 20 hrs a day and being really "chatty" during those hrs...like nonsensical chatty. at least i can say i was entertaining. and now the jet lag is somewhat under control...i sleep for like 6 hrs. which is disgusting compared to the 10 hr naps i had the past four months! :P working out kind of helped, especially during those midday slumps where i was awake but not really aware of what's going on...just so all of you know the number of days it takes to get over jet lag is determined by the number of time zones you have crossed. so since oz was like 29 hrs ahead of vancouver i think i'm nearing the end of this lovely side-effect of princess adventure life :)
one of the best things about being back is of course seeing my friends and family-->and seeing their excited expressions because they can't believe i did what i did. hell, i can't believe i did what i did! my parents, surprisingly but then again not surprisingly, wouldn't let go of me--and i have to say that day i got the best bear hug from my dad :) ...my mom wouldn't stop crying...no matter what i do,i can't make that woman happy lol. reggie was all "where's my presents?" nani was pretty happy too, she thought she was dreaming. i know, i know: cue the "awwww!". catching up with them was the best and i realized that I want to have them in my life always...but that isn't realistic nor possible. part of growing up is not having them let go of me, but me letting go of them. that didn't sink in till last night. while eating my coffee crisp bites and reading oxygen magazine--shhhh that was soooo bad lol.
seeing my friends for the first time was amazing too--not quite what i imagined because i forgot to factor in everyone's busy schedules BUT when we finally coordinated times to meet up it was sweeeeet <3 a friend from my travels told me i would come back to real life and have a different outlook on everything and my friends may or may not like it and you may end up realizing you don't fit in anymore...i just waved that away...and now i know that she was kinda right. it's not an entirely bad thing--having a new outlook on life is allowing me to help my friends make better decisions and see things from a different viewpoint. BUT at the same time, certain things aren't as fun as they used to be :( which is again part of growing up...at least i still love spongebob squarepants as much as i did before i left. ...perhaps even moreso. lol joking. not moreso. the same.
the best part about coming back is being ready to take control of my life and having a clear idea of what i want in life. i'm not saying i didn't know that before--quite the opposite, i knew EVERYTHING and had it all planned out. ...which is very unrealistic. when you build unrealistic goals you set yourself up for unnecessary stress. cuz believe me, i used to worry when things wouldn't work out and i couldn't realize why it wasn't working...
i'm not saying it's bad to dream big--dream as big as you want--just realize that it takes ALOT of work for your dreams to come true and nothing will happen overnight. my trip is the perfect example; i wanted to do this trip in 09 but it wasn't meant to be. I had to plan and plan and re-plan and save save then save some more then finally just buy the ticket; doing this trip now was for the best :)
i'm sitting here with my backpack, Charles, staring sadly at me...and i'm reassuring myself and Charles that there will be more Princess and the Backpack adventures in the future... but right now, princess has to put her backpack away and pick up some dumbbells.
so for now, this is the end to princess and the backpack...
it's just the beginning for princess :)
cheers mate!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
It's Just the Beginning
So I know you all probably think I'm crazy for cutting my trip a tad short and coming home--at times I wonder if I'm crazy too lol--but in all truthfulness I did it because I wanted to come back. I never thought I'd ever be at that point in my journey where I came back because I wanted to, not because I had to. I'm glad I got to that point :)
Let's face it: I was pretty miserable before I left for this amazing backpacking adventure of mine; working 9-5 at a crummy job, listening to other people's negativity day in and day out and floating through my life watching the days go by...ok maybe i'm being a tad melodramatic but the idea is that I was bored and unhappy. I had amazing things going on in my life--awesome friends, a fab yoga teacher who nurtured my yoga practice and taught me alot about myself and a pretty great support system at my gym lol--but something was missing in my life. My personal goals were somewhat up in the air; I found myself saying many times "I know what I want, I just don't know how to get there"...which was frustrating to say the least.
I grew up knowing that I would be an independent woman and didn't need anyone to take care of me. I figured I'd have a job and be able to fend for myself, no problem! Then after this trip, I realized, there's so much more to "taking care of yourself" than just the financials. You need to be mentally strong in order to survive--you need to have faith in yourself and know that you can do whatever the hell you want when you put your mind to it...AND fuck everything else. The self-realization didn't require a trip halfway around the world; I had these skills in me but never got the chance to use any of them till recently. It seems that putting myself in unpredictable situations brought out the best in me. Also, if you are an independent person or not, you need to know who your true friends are because sooner or later you will need someone to talk to, someone to make you feel better and I'm glad I had some great people looking out for me :) ...even if I wouldn't admit that I wanted their help :P
The experiences of my trip aren't exactly what I expected...the moments I laughed, cried, danced and LIVED surpassed my expectations :) I thought I'd just go and do a bunch of sight-seeing and see what happens lol and instead it somehow turned itself into this gigantic adventure where I learned alot about myself, my friends, my family and the world. Which is why, after my return from Fiji to Sydney, I had a really big problem. I realized that I was ready to head home; however, I was dealing with some MAJOR denial. I tried to think about it rationally for two days--whether or not I should stay, what are the pros and cons, and why exactly I wanted to stay. And I kept going in circles...really big, weird circles. Thankfully I had my bestie Sana to help me through all this and she helped me organize my thoughts and see things at a different standpoint.
And I realized I had to come back because I wanted to come back--whatever I was meant to achieve on this trip had been achieved and dragging out my trip may have sucked the essence out of it...like how you have this really yummy chocolate bar (like the gigantic cadbury ones from oz) and you want to feel the chocolate-induced bliss forever so you only eat one piece a month and then a year and a half later you go to eat the last piece and its stale. stale and disgusting. that's what i didn't want for my adventure. a stale and disgusting aftertaste. (and btw, my chocolate bar analogy is not an actual experience, i gobbled all the chocolates up w/in the 1st week of opening the pack...if even that :P lol)
So this doesn't mark the end of my backpacking adventure--this is just the beginning baby :D ...the beginning of what? ...keep reading and you'll find out <3
*muah*
Let's face it: I was pretty miserable before I left for this amazing backpacking adventure of mine; working 9-5 at a crummy job, listening to other people's negativity day in and day out and floating through my life watching the days go by...ok maybe i'm being a tad melodramatic but the idea is that I was bored and unhappy. I had amazing things going on in my life--awesome friends, a fab yoga teacher who nurtured my yoga practice and taught me alot about myself and a pretty great support system at my gym lol--but something was missing in my life. My personal goals were somewhat up in the air; I found myself saying many times "I know what I want, I just don't know how to get there"...which was frustrating to say the least.
I grew up knowing that I would be an independent woman and didn't need anyone to take care of me. I figured I'd have a job and be able to fend for myself, no problem! Then after this trip, I realized, there's so much more to "taking care of yourself" than just the financials. You need to be mentally strong in order to survive--you need to have faith in yourself and know that you can do whatever the hell you want when you put your mind to it...AND fuck everything else. The self-realization didn't require a trip halfway around the world; I had these skills in me but never got the chance to use any of them till recently. It seems that putting myself in unpredictable situations brought out the best in me. Also, if you are an independent person or not, you need to know who your true friends are because sooner or later you will need someone to talk to, someone to make you feel better and I'm glad I had some great people looking out for me :) ...even if I wouldn't admit that I wanted their help :P
The experiences of my trip aren't exactly what I expected...the moments I laughed, cried, danced and LIVED surpassed my expectations :) I thought I'd just go and do a bunch of sight-seeing and see what happens lol and instead it somehow turned itself into this gigantic adventure where I learned alot about myself, my friends, my family and the world. Which is why, after my return from Fiji to Sydney, I had a really big problem. I realized that I was ready to head home; however, I was dealing with some MAJOR denial. I tried to think about it rationally for two days--whether or not I should stay, what are the pros and cons, and why exactly I wanted to stay. And I kept going in circles...really big, weird circles. Thankfully I had my bestie Sana to help me through all this and she helped me organize my thoughts and see things at a different standpoint.
And I realized I had to come back because I wanted to come back--whatever I was meant to achieve on this trip had been achieved and dragging out my trip may have sucked the essence out of it...like how you have this really yummy chocolate bar (like the gigantic cadbury ones from oz) and you want to feel the chocolate-induced bliss forever so you only eat one piece a month and then a year and a half later you go to eat the last piece and its stale. stale and disgusting. that's what i didn't want for my adventure. a stale and disgusting aftertaste. (and btw, my chocolate bar analogy is not an actual experience, i gobbled all the chocolates up w/in the 1st week of opening the pack...if even that :P lol)
So this doesn't mark the end of my backpacking adventure--this is just the beginning baby :D ...the beginning of what? ...keep reading and you'll find out <3
*muah*
Monday, March 14, 2011
Never Look Back
Australia's coat of arms portrays the kangaroo and emu as the unofficial animals of Australia. Why, you ask? Because those are the only two animals that can't walk backwards :) I've learned alot on my travels and one of them was to not look back; always keep your life moving forward in a positive direction. Whether the positive direction means having no regrets, achieving your goals or whatever, you can be assured that Aussies live life to the fullest.
That is one thing I admire about Australians--especially my cousin. I've learned alot on my trip and have to say I did live life to the fullest, perhaps for the first time in my entire life! I can happily say that I don't have any regrets about my travels--yes, I've been stressed out plenty-a-times but it's all worked out and I have great experiences to show for it.
Throughout my travels and living in different countries, I've seen and experienced how people can have different mentalities and how this affects their well-being. New Zealanders were pretty carefree and happy but there was always this element of restrictiveness...something was always holding them back, whether that was money or inhibitions or something. In Fiji, I noticed a few people were very concerned about their past and what happened to them back then and how those events are affecting them now. And unfortunately, these people let those fears and experiences hinder their present experiences and future aspirations. A wise man once told me 'Life is for living' and that's what I intend to do and I hope you all do the same. Go ahead and make mistakes because you never know what will happen unless you try, right? Go jump out of a plane, go ahead and drink 7 bottles of wine--whatever it is, just do it! You never know what will happen tomorrow.
Everyone has their own outlook on life and I respect that--however, don't let it inhibit your happiness :) If you're happy reading a book and staying home on a friday night, do it! If you're happy partying all weekend then do it! (but be responsible!). ...And if you want to pack your bags and go travel for a few months and please go do it :) Travelling is one of the best things I've done in my life along with being born, winning the sack race in kindy, graduating from uni and raising money for the underwear affair (which reminds me...must start training! :P)
It's important not to mix up looking back and hating your life with reflecting on your experiences and learning from them. Since I've returned from Fiji, I feel whole again. It sounds odd as I thought I was whole before I left on the trip but in reality, you never stop growing; not when your 7, 27 or even 77! I've been looking back at my trip and the Suzanne who started this trip in Auckland NZ is not the same Suzanne who looked back at me in the mirror this morning. It's so weird but I just can't believe how much I've grown. It's pretty damn amazing what this trip has done for me. It's taught me to be strong (...even though i've had times where i've cried on this trip...sorry if you had to listen to me on the phone crying), to learn how to know what i want, and to understand that i am allowed to be happy and i shouldn't have to sacrifice that for others.
One thing the old Suzanne always did was worry what other people thought of her and worry about the repurcussions of what they would say about her. Now, I don't care. I mean, I will take into consideration the advice people give me but I'm not going to waste my time on what gossip mongers may be saying about me or what random distant relatives may think of me--the same family members who have known me my whole life but haven't shown me the same love and good times as my bhaia in Oz has who has only known me for 3 months :)
Today I ate at the Lindt Chocolate Cafe and mannnnnn was it good! :) I know for a fact that I've gained weight and won't fit into half my clothes back home but i don't care. And I know that I will still have to work on my relationship with my family when I get back (which I care about) but I won't stress about it. Cuz in the end, there's no need to stress about life. Just live it the way you want to, be happy and deal with whatever comes you way.
Cheers <3
That is one thing I admire about Australians--especially my cousin. I've learned alot on my trip and have to say I did live life to the fullest, perhaps for the first time in my entire life! I can happily say that I don't have any regrets about my travels--yes, I've been stressed out plenty-a-times but it's all worked out and I have great experiences to show for it.
Throughout my travels and living in different countries, I've seen and experienced how people can have different mentalities and how this affects their well-being. New Zealanders were pretty carefree and happy but there was always this element of restrictiveness...something was always holding them back, whether that was money or inhibitions or something. In Fiji, I noticed a few people were very concerned about their past and what happened to them back then and how those events are affecting them now. And unfortunately, these people let those fears and experiences hinder their present experiences and future aspirations. A wise man once told me 'Life is for living' and that's what I intend to do and I hope you all do the same. Go ahead and make mistakes because you never know what will happen unless you try, right? Go jump out of a plane, go ahead and drink 7 bottles of wine--whatever it is, just do it! You never know what will happen tomorrow.
Everyone has their own outlook on life and I respect that--however, don't let it inhibit your happiness :) If you're happy reading a book and staying home on a friday night, do it! If you're happy partying all weekend then do it! (but be responsible!). ...And if you want to pack your bags and go travel for a few months and please go do it :) Travelling is one of the best things I've done in my life along with being born, winning the sack race in kindy, graduating from uni and raising money for the underwear affair (which reminds me...must start training! :P)
It's important not to mix up looking back and hating your life with reflecting on your experiences and learning from them. Since I've returned from Fiji, I feel whole again. It sounds odd as I thought I was whole before I left on the trip but in reality, you never stop growing; not when your 7, 27 or even 77! I've been looking back at my trip and the Suzanne who started this trip in Auckland NZ is not the same Suzanne who looked back at me in the mirror this morning. It's so weird but I just can't believe how much I've grown. It's pretty damn amazing what this trip has done for me. It's taught me to be strong (...even though i've had times where i've cried on this trip...sorry if you had to listen to me on the phone crying), to learn how to know what i want, and to understand that i am allowed to be happy and i shouldn't have to sacrifice that for others.
One thing the old Suzanne always did was worry what other people thought of her and worry about the repurcussions of what they would say about her. Now, I don't care. I mean, I will take into consideration the advice people give me but I'm not going to waste my time on what gossip mongers may be saying about me or what random distant relatives may think of me--the same family members who have known me my whole life but haven't shown me the same love and good times as my bhaia in Oz has who has only known me for 3 months :)
Today I ate at the Lindt Chocolate Cafe and mannnnnn was it good! :) I know for a fact that I've gained weight and won't fit into half my clothes back home but i don't care. And I know that I will still have to work on my relationship with my family when I get back (which I care about) but I won't stress about it. Cuz in the end, there's no need to stress about life. Just live it the way you want to, be happy and deal with whatever comes you way.
Cheers <3
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Fiji is paradise
Well I finally did it! I finally went to Fiji to see where I'm from and to experience what that paradise has to offer. And I have to say, I had the time of my life!
The start of my journey to Fiji was very difficult--my flight got cancelled two days in a row (eff virgin blue to hell! seriously) and then i finally got onto the Air Pacific flight the afternoon of the 24th :) After a couple of delays I arrived in Nadi, Fiji and it was getting dark. The one thing that made the past two days' worth of misery disappear was seeing my aunt and uncle waiting for me. I hadn't seen my aunt in 10 years and I've never even met my uncle--it was a dream come true to see them waiting for me at the airport...sadly, they were waiting for me since 2pm :( I felt pretty bad that they waited for me all day and didn't know about my flight delay till it was too late. but that's all over and done with. from the second i met up with them to the moment we said our goodbyes, they gave me so much love--so much that i almost didn't want to leave fiji!
The main purpose of my trip was to see where I come from and to see all my family. It was kind of a shock to find out I don't have tons and tons of relatives in Fiji--my Fua and Fufa (aunt and uncle) and my cousin Binnu on my dad's side and my two mausis and mausas and a nana (grand uncle or great uncle whatever its called). It was lovely meeting everyone; they welcomed me into their homes with open arms and so much love. So much so that it was really hard to leave :( I was thinking about extending my stay in Fiji but the mosquitoes had their own agenda...
Every morning I woke up to find more and more mosquito bites. And these weren't itty bitty mossie bites, they would swell up and were uber itchy. At one point, both my legs were filled with bites :( Ugh, it super sucked.
My Fua and Fufa are super cute--they're both in their 70s and kind of ill but they were the best tour guides I could ask for :) Fufa was very enthusiastic about showing me everything there is to see in Fiji and of making sure I had a good time. And I did! I ate the yummiest food ever at his place--the jam was delish, the taro and cassava was the best and my favourite food in fiji has to be the biscuits :P chocolate biscuits have no actual chocolate chips in them BUT they tasted like chocolate :) yummers. They're mechanic/house helper named Sanjay also lived with us in Pacific Harbour and it was pretty cool having him there. He was kind of shy in the beginning but after a couple of days we became good friends. One thing I really love about people in Fiji is that they are very open and loving--totally different from the treatment you would get in Australia or New Zealand or even Canada for that matter! It was really hard to say good bye to everyone :(
Staying with my mausi and mausa was really fun too. I had three cousins to hang out with--the youngest is Nikita and she turned me into a 8 year old again :P I played so many games with her and watched movies, it was fun. ...kinda tiring at times but fun :)
The scenery in Fiji was gorgeous--when I stayed at my mausi's house, we have to go to the outside sink to brush our teeth and from the "window" you have this gorgeous view of the mountains--which are covered with trees, lush beautiful trees! And the frangipanis are everywhere! loved it <3
So much to say about Fiji yet I can't put my experiences and joy into words! So much happened in those short two weeks...
Ahh Fiji!
The start of my journey to Fiji was very difficult--my flight got cancelled two days in a row (eff virgin blue to hell! seriously) and then i finally got onto the Air Pacific flight the afternoon of the 24th :) After a couple of delays I arrived in Nadi, Fiji and it was getting dark. The one thing that made the past two days' worth of misery disappear was seeing my aunt and uncle waiting for me. I hadn't seen my aunt in 10 years and I've never even met my uncle--it was a dream come true to see them waiting for me at the airport...sadly, they were waiting for me since 2pm :( I felt pretty bad that they waited for me all day and didn't know about my flight delay till it was too late. but that's all over and done with. from the second i met up with them to the moment we said our goodbyes, they gave me so much love--so much that i almost didn't want to leave fiji!
The main purpose of my trip was to see where I come from and to see all my family. It was kind of a shock to find out I don't have tons and tons of relatives in Fiji--my Fua and Fufa (aunt and uncle) and my cousin Binnu on my dad's side and my two mausis and mausas and a nana (grand uncle or great uncle whatever its called). It was lovely meeting everyone; they welcomed me into their homes with open arms and so much love. So much so that it was really hard to leave :( I was thinking about extending my stay in Fiji but the mosquitoes had their own agenda...
Every morning I woke up to find more and more mosquito bites. And these weren't itty bitty mossie bites, they would swell up and were uber itchy. At one point, both my legs were filled with bites :( Ugh, it super sucked.
My Fua and Fufa are super cute--they're both in their 70s and kind of ill but they were the best tour guides I could ask for :) Fufa was very enthusiastic about showing me everything there is to see in Fiji and of making sure I had a good time. And I did! I ate the yummiest food ever at his place--the jam was delish, the taro and cassava was the best and my favourite food in fiji has to be the biscuits :P chocolate biscuits have no actual chocolate chips in them BUT they tasted like chocolate :) yummers. They're mechanic/house helper named Sanjay also lived with us in Pacific Harbour and it was pretty cool having him there. He was kind of shy in the beginning but after a couple of days we became good friends. One thing I really love about people in Fiji is that they are very open and loving--totally different from the treatment you would get in Australia or New Zealand or even Canada for that matter! It was really hard to say good bye to everyone :(
Staying with my mausi and mausa was really fun too. I had three cousins to hang out with--the youngest is Nikita and she turned me into a 8 year old again :P I played so many games with her and watched movies, it was fun. ...kinda tiring at times but fun :)
The scenery in Fiji was gorgeous--when I stayed at my mausi's house, we have to go to the outside sink to brush our teeth and from the "window" you have this gorgeous view of the mountains--which are covered with trees, lush beautiful trees! And the frangipanis are everywhere! loved it <3
So much to say about Fiji yet I can't put my experiences and joy into words! So much happened in those short two weeks...
Ahh Fiji!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Mixology
It's finally here---I'm heading to fiji tomorrow morning :) I've been super excited about this trip but as usual there's other emotions popping into my head.
I should probably accept it now that I'm indian and no matter how much I refuse to get mixed into it, I'll always have to deal with drama and screwed up crap. I was naive to think that my trip to Fiji would be a simple trip where I can learn about my ancestors and gain an appreciation for my heritage...I guess as long as I learn about it in whichever manner, I'm happy :) I haven't even stepped into the country and there's drama about who's gonna pick me up, how they will pick me up, what I have to do in the aiport, etc etc etc. And I wish I could just arrange it myself; but if it makes people happy that they can do it for me then great...but people shouldn't go around and change someone else's plans...I guess I'm just frustrated that people keep changing the plans and if plans are gonna change then they should because I changed them. Despite all this "khichri" (name of an indian dish which is also used to indicate mixedupness), I am thankful that someone is picking me up & taking me to my aunt's house, fingers crossed!
Aside from the usual bumpy start to my adventures, I'm pretty happy and excited about my fiji adventure. I talked to my mom and dad today and I could tell they were excited for me :) They're proud that I am meeting their family over there :) and don't worry mom and dad, i'll leave a good impression on 'em!
I've been given tons and tons of advice from my parents, my cousin and his wife and even from random neighbours lol and I really do appreciate it. I know I'm heading into a country who's situation and lifestyle I can't really imagine--and I feel super mixed up right now. I'm excited about the trip for sure but i'm so nervous/scared...and then i'm trying to tell myself that i'll be fine and i have people over there that will take care of me and then i flip flop and say well i should be able to take care of myself and then i arrive at the conclusion that i'll be fine. which is a less enthusiastic conclusion than i would've liked but i'll take what i can get. which makes no sense since i'm the one controlling my thought patterns. ...anyone got any ideas as to what all this nonsense is due to? nervousness? why am i so nervous?...and here we go again in circles lol.
so. mixed. up.
yay for fiji :D
I should probably accept it now that I'm indian and no matter how much I refuse to get mixed into it, I'll always have to deal with drama and screwed up crap. I was naive to think that my trip to Fiji would be a simple trip where I can learn about my ancestors and gain an appreciation for my heritage...I guess as long as I learn about it in whichever manner, I'm happy :) I haven't even stepped into the country and there's drama about who's gonna pick me up, how they will pick me up, what I have to do in the aiport, etc etc etc. And I wish I could just arrange it myself; but if it makes people happy that they can do it for me then great...but people shouldn't go around and change someone else's plans...I guess I'm just frustrated that people keep changing the plans and if plans are gonna change then they should because I changed them. Despite all this "khichri" (name of an indian dish which is also used to indicate mixedupness), I am thankful that someone is picking me up & taking me to my aunt's house, fingers crossed!
Aside from the usual bumpy start to my adventures, I'm pretty happy and excited about my fiji adventure. I talked to my mom and dad today and I could tell they were excited for me :) They're proud that I am meeting their family over there :) and don't worry mom and dad, i'll leave a good impression on 'em!
I've been given tons and tons of advice from my parents, my cousin and his wife and even from random neighbours lol and I really do appreciate it. I know I'm heading into a country who's situation and lifestyle I can't really imagine--and I feel super mixed up right now. I'm excited about the trip for sure but i'm so nervous/scared...and then i'm trying to tell myself that i'll be fine and i have people over there that will take care of me and then i flip flop and say well i should be able to take care of myself and then i arrive at the conclusion that i'll be fine. which is a less enthusiastic conclusion than i would've liked but i'll take what i can get. which makes no sense since i'm the one controlling my thought patterns. ...anyone got any ideas as to what all this nonsense is due to? nervousness? why am i so nervous?...and here we go again in circles lol.
so. mixed. up.
yay for fiji :D
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Anticipation
I can't wait to get to Fiji! When I was a kid, I never wanted to visit Fiji because of all the horror stories I heard about the mosquitos, lizards and heat. And it was uber expensive and I didn't see any point in making my parents pay to take me to a place that I didn't even want to go to. And when I originally planned my Oz trip for Winter 09, Fiji wasn't on my radar.
Disappointment doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when I couldn't go on this trip in 09; I know now that I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for this trip at that time. ...which probably explains why I'm finally ready to go to Fiji and see where I come from. I'm not going to lie, I am kind of nervous about going to Fiji but the excitement of meeting my extended family and finally seeing this paradise will make the nervousness disappear in two seconds!
I've experienced a fear of the unknown a few times on my trip and before my trip for that matter and sometimes it makes you feel like crap. It makes you doubt your decisions, choices and direction in life and sometimes it brings you to that point where you don't have enough courage to go through with a decision. ...Sadly, I let that happen once; I don't regret it since i can't even remember what it was I didn't do lol. I'm glad I didn't do it or else I wouldn't have figured out what the fear of the unknown was and its power; for the longest time, it was staring at me in the face and I couldn't really put my finger on what the fear of the unknown was. The fear of the unknown is very small compared to the power of anticipation but they're kind of the same thing...both have you waiting for the same experience to come around the corner :)
I anticipated this trip for two years and when the time finally came to leave Vancouver, I experienced an immense fear of the unknown; thankfully, I have great people in my life who supported me and reminded me why the trip is important to me. Then I anticipated meeting all my family members and was nervous about meeting them too...almost ruled out meeting them altogether. However, I was smart and went and met all the family members I could and man do I have stories! Lol, it's been a great learning experience, lots of crap I really shouldn't know but it's all good--its all an experience. Some of the best experiences I've had are the ones where I didn't think twice about doing them--like my skydive. I kind of went into robot w/a heart and big smile mode and just did it. A single negative thought didn't enter my mind--unless you count "omg its soooo cold up here!" as negative...
Lately, I've really been anticipating coming home :) Not because I'm homesick or don't think I can do this, but moreso because I really miss certain restaurants or foods (they don't even have graham crackers over here! WTF?!), I miss my hairstylist, my yummy vanilla mint shampoo, my bed, my iMac, my spot on the sofa...and what else? seems like i'm forgetting something... OH YA! My family and friends :P You guys are top on my list! So for this week, ever since I've returned from my 1 month Oz tour adventure, I've been imagining what it'll be like when I see everyone for the first time, what I'll say, what they'll say :P kinda dorky but I can't help it. and there's no fear <3
cheers mate!
<3 you
Disappointment doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when I couldn't go on this trip in 09; I know now that I wasn't mentally or emotionally ready for this trip at that time. ...which probably explains why I'm finally ready to go to Fiji and see where I come from. I'm not going to lie, I am kind of nervous about going to Fiji but the excitement of meeting my extended family and finally seeing this paradise will make the nervousness disappear in two seconds!
I've experienced a fear of the unknown a few times on my trip and before my trip for that matter and sometimes it makes you feel like crap. It makes you doubt your decisions, choices and direction in life and sometimes it brings you to that point where you don't have enough courage to go through with a decision. ...Sadly, I let that happen once; I don't regret it since i can't even remember what it was I didn't do lol. I'm glad I didn't do it or else I wouldn't have figured out what the fear of the unknown was and its power; for the longest time, it was staring at me in the face and I couldn't really put my finger on what the fear of the unknown was. The fear of the unknown is very small compared to the power of anticipation but they're kind of the same thing...both have you waiting for the same experience to come around the corner :)
I anticipated this trip for two years and when the time finally came to leave Vancouver, I experienced an immense fear of the unknown; thankfully, I have great people in my life who supported me and reminded me why the trip is important to me. Then I anticipated meeting all my family members and was nervous about meeting them too...almost ruled out meeting them altogether. However, I was smart and went and met all the family members I could and man do I have stories! Lol, it's been a great learning experience, lots of crap I really shouldn't know but it's all good--its all an experience. Some of the best experiences I've had are the ones where I didn't think twice about doing them--like my skydive. I kind of went into robot w/a heart and big smile mode and just did it. A single negative thought didn't enter my mind--unless you count "omg its soooo cold up here!" as negative...
Lately, I've really been anticipating coming home :) Not because I'm homesick or don't think I can do this, but moreso because I really miss certain restaurants or foods (they don't even have graham crackers over here! WTF?!), I miss my hairstylist, my yummy vanilla mint shampoo, my bed, my iMac, my spot on the sofa...and what else? seems like i'm forgetting something... OH YA! My family and friends :P You guys are top on my list! So for this week, ever since I've returned from my 1 month Oz tour adventure, I've been imagining what it'll be like when I see everyone for the first time, what I'll say, what they'll say :P kinda dorky but I can't help it. and there's no fear <3
cheers mate!
<3 you
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Regrets
Ever since I learned what the word regret meant, I always thought there was one form of regret--the feeling you have when you miss out on something. But in all honesty, there's many reactions that will fall under regret and on this journey of mine, I've seen and felt alot of them.
From the get-go, one of my main goals was ensuring that I didn't miss out on anything that peaked my interest or was just plain cool! As demonstrated by my skyjump and skydive, I made sure I had no regrets :) And at this point in my journey, I can say I have no regrets as far as taking part in experiences is concerned. This trip has taught me to listen to my heart and really know what I want from life and not just jump on the bandwagon because someone tells me to do something or because it would be good for me. I had glimpses of this personal freedom during my yoga practice; however, they were fleeting moments--nothing as long-lasting and amazing as my time right now.
But in the past month, I have learned that regret can come in many different forms. A surprising focus of my trip was to see where I come from and to meet people who could enrich my understanding of life "back home" aka Fiji--and for the most part I've met some great people. There have been a few hiccups here and there but for the most part it's been a great ride. And I encountered a new form of regret--the "i did this for me, it blew up in my face and i hate it, but i'm still glad i did this or i would never have known" regret. All I can say is I was invited to a cousin's place who seemed sincere about having me over and I thought he wanted to meet me but it turned into this hindu showdown where I was analyzed and dissected by a bunch of people who I didn't know and I had to stand on trial and prove why I'm not insane by their standards. It was a long and interesting weekend. At least I got pancakes out of it and an uber comfy bed! Not the perfect way I wanted to end my stay in Melbourne but whatever--woulda, coulda, shoulda!
This trip has been quite liberating for me too--as you all can probably tell lol--and it's brought out a new side of me that I didn't realize was possible. I'm more gutsy than before and I've done some stupid things...wait, scratch that. I've asked some stupid things and wish I didn't know certain things about people--this showed me another form of regret: the "why did i open my big mouth/why can't i just wait for the other person to be a man and tell me?" regret. lol. Let's just say I probably didn't time certain things properly and even though it seemed like a good idea, it kind of blew up in my face lol. But it's all good. Had I not been stupid then I would've had the age old regret of "why didn't i do it?".
I guess what I'm trying to say in this weird, half-drunk blog is god or the universe or your mom gave you life and you need to LIVE it. The end result may not be perfect 100% of the time; however, lessons you learn about yourself and other people are well worth the effort. Instead of spending your life wishing you had done this or that when you were at whatever age, spend your life doing things and remembering how you felt during those experiences and trying to learn something from them. I.e.: I came to a certain cousin's house to reconnect with him and to learn about my roots; instead I was bombarded with strict hindu rules and a character trial--> what did i learn? to try and see things from the other person's point of view and keep a cool head and see the silver lining (pancakes).
& Now the not so silver lining...they won't drop me off at the airport so I have to take a stupid shuttle which will take 1 hr and drop me to the airport 2 hrs before my flight. yippee for waking up at 5am. NOT!
cheers :)
From the get-go, one of my main goals was ensuring that I didn't miss out on anything that peaked my interest or was just plain cool! As demonstrated by my skyjump and skydive, I made sure I had no regrets :) And at this point in my journey, I can say I have no regrets as far as taking part in experiences is concerned. This trip has taught me to listen to my heart and really know what I want from life and not just jump on the bandwagon because someone tells me to do something or because it would be good for me. I had glimpses of this personal freedom during my yoga practice; however, they were fleeting moments--nothing as long-lasting and amazing as my time right now.
But in the past month, I have learned that regret can come in many different forms. A surprising focus of my trip was to see where I come from and to meet people who could enrich my understanding of life "back home" aka Fiji--and for the most part I've met some great people. There have been a few hiccups here and there but for the most part it's been a great ride. And I encountered a new form of regret--the "i did this for me, it blew up in my face and i hate it, but i'm still glad i did this or i would never have known" regret. All I can say is I was invited to a cousin's place who seemed sincere about having me over and I thought he wanted to meet me but it turned into this hindu showdown where I was analyzed and dissected by a bunch of people who I didn't know and I had to stand on trial and prove why I'm not insane by their standards. It was a long and interesting weekend. At least I got pancakes out of it and an uber comfy bed! Not the perfect way I wanted to end my stay in Melbourne but whatever--woulda, coulda, shoulda!
This trip has been quite liberating for me too--as you all can probably tell lol--and it's brought out a new side of me that I didn't realize was possible. I'm more gutsy than before and I've done some stupid things...wait, scratch that. I've asked some stupid things and wish I didn't know certain things about people--this showed me another form of regret: the "why did i open my big mouth/why can't i just wait for the other person to be a man and tell me?" regret. lol. Let's just say I probably didn't time certain things properly and even though it seemed like a good idea, it kind of blew up in my face lol. But it's all good. Had I not been stupid then I would've had the age old regret of "why didn't i do it?".
I guess what I'm trying to say in this weird, half-drunk blog is god or the universe or your mom gave you life and you need to LIVE it. The end result may not be perfect 100% of the time; however, lessons you learn about yourself and other people are well worth the effort. Instead of spending your life wishing you had done this or that when you were at whatever age, spend your life doing things and remembering how you felt during those experiences and trying to learn something from them. I.e.: I came to a certain cousin's house to reconnect with him and to learn about my roots; instead I was bombarded with strict hindu rules and a character trial--> what did i learn? to try and see things from the other person's point of view and keep a cool head and see the silver lining (pancakes).
& Now the not so silver lining...they won't drop me off at the airport so I have to take a stupid shuttle which will take 1 hr and drop me to the airport 2 hrs before my flight. yippee for waking up at 5am. NOT!
cheers :)
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